Mothering with Momentum

(submission for The Citizen weekly pastoral column 'From the Minister's Study')
    As Mother’s Day approaches, we are reminded once again of the significant contribution and impact our mothers have had in our lives. My own mother (now deceased) was not a large woman – especially after her scoliosis of the spine worsened, she would hardly have come up to my shoulders in height – but the contribution she made to my life was beyond calculation.
    God teaches us a couple of things in the Bible about how we are to regard our mothers. Early on in the Ten Commandments we are told, “Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Ex.20:12) Paul notes to the early church (Eph.6:2) that this is the first commandment with a promise! It is right to obey our parents (Eph.6:1) – they are, after all, our first training ground for learning proper submission to authority in society. When children fail to learn this early on, others to whom they are responsible later on (schoolteachers, bosses) have a more difficult time as a result.
    Mothers are worthy of respect, besides honour. “Each of you must respect his mother and father...I am the LORD your God.” (Lev.19:3; note ‘mother’ is placed before ‘father’) A certain anti-authoritarian thrust in modern society might tempt youngsters to despise their mother, but God’s word indicates this is foolish. “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother.” (Prov.15:20)
    Scripture highlights seven key tasks a mother ought to do for her children. First and foremost is teaching them. “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” My own mother was a hard-working farmer’s wife, so she taught me many valuable things both out in the barn and in the house. She helped me learn my Bible memory verses. When I had children of my own, she continued to provide valuable advice and tips on child-rearing.
    Second, a mother needs to correct her offspring – after teaching them, if they do what’s wrong, rebuke them and remind them to go about it the right way. “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.” (Prov.29:15) Of course, correction needs to be accompanied by loving assurance that it is the action, not the person themself, that is bad or unwanted.
    Third, a mother is to comfort her child (perhaps in conjunction with correction’s reprimand?). Kids need to have someone they can turn to when hurt or bullied or ill. “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.” (Is.66:13) One time when my parents built an addition onto our house, as a 12-year-old boy I was clambering around in the trusses but fell over two metres to the floor, splitting my forehead open. I appreciated my mother’s comforting (and bandaging) that day!
    There are also less obvious functions a mother can perform, more behind-the-scenes. One of these is to ruminate on developments. Reflect on the forces at work in your child’s life and try to discern the potential significance of these for their future. Following the birth of Jesus, shepherds came to visit Mary, Joseph, and their holy Child. “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” (Lk.2:19) What might be the unique purpose for which God is preparing your child(ren)? How is each one different from their siblings?
    Fifth, one of a mother’s most valuable things they can do for their child is to encourage their faith development. This helps prepare your offspring not just for this life, but also for eternity. Paul noted the significant role Timothy’s mother and grandmother played in acquainting his protege with the Scriptures. “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also... But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” (2Tim.1:5; 3:14f) Sometimes I would wake up in the night as a young boy, and on the way back from the bathroom, as I passed the door of my parents’ bedroom, I would catch a glimpse of my mother kneeling in prayer at her bedside. She was actively involved in the women’s group at her church and attended a Bible study small group until late in her senior years. Her example still remains with me, even though she is gone.
    A mother needs to help her child realize she takes second place in their devotion. Our first priority in life is to love God: when parents die, God remains to be trusted in. Jesus taught His followers, “Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me...” (Mt.10:37) So, while we love our mothers and fathers, it is right to love Jesus more. (Perhaps a reminder sorely needed in our day of ‘helicopter parenting’?)
    Last, a mother needs to consciously give her children back to the Lord. It’s wrong to derive our sense of significance solely through our children, to be dependent upon them for our self-esteem, to live vicariously through their accomplishments on the ice, ball diamond, or dance floor. There is a conscious relinquishment in giving them back to God that is healthy for them, and for the parent. Like Hannah dedicating her son Samuel: “I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” (1Sam.1:27f) Can we release our children into God’s care, rather than keep the apron strings tied in a way that risks suffocating them?
    These seven tasks of mothering are not easy. They’re a tall order! But those who succeed at them are worthy of great honour. Society benefits when mothers leave a lasting positive impact on their children... We all benefit!